skin loves fever

Was to be important enough

To someone

That they would think about me

Want to understand

Try to understand

Understand they don’t understand

And cause of that understand

I know I’m good

I know I’m special

I know I’m worth it

Even if other people don’t

But my one wish

Is to have someone

On my side

Who loves me enough

To understand how much that effort and time and desire and love

Means the world to me

without that

I cease to grow

I’m a broken

Little girl

Inside my almost too old for anything good self

I know what I have inside me

I know the great things I am

But I also know

I give a lot to people who don’t want to give back

Plus I know that I dint know how to change that

and I also know that I’m to lonely and sad to keep trying

You will think I’m just being drama

But I’m not being dramatic

I’m losing hope

In people and in relationships

And in love

And that’s something I can’t exist without

I dint want to exist without

Caring is so much more than just 2 days of giving me what I want to say the words or make me believe you care

When the rest of the time

You’re not there

Makes it feel cheap

Like I feel cheap right now

I’m at the edge

Closer to the side

Of giving up

I’ve tried so hard to understand you

You don’t know

Cause I think about it when I’m alone

And I’m alone a lot

Like right now

You don’t even try to understand me

You tell me I’m just making A big deal

Or you tell me how I feel

That doesn’t support

That invalidates

And why the hell

Would I feel anything but bad

When you do the things

That would make anyone sad

What I do

Isn’t blame

For that I have myself

What I do is share

How you can make me feel sometimes

So maybe you would be more aware

But you aren’t

Cause you don’t care

To see anything wrong with you

You only want to see what’s wrong with me

And I know already what my problems are

But why

Do you have

To make me feel worse

By doing something you know makes me feel worse.

Cause I’ve told you it makes me feel worse

And you just do them

Like nothing

I feel like nothing right now

You aren’t my only reason

For why I want to give up

But you’re adding to it

By not even trying to see my side of things

And my side does matter

But not to you

Not to many

And giving up

Seems so much more loving

Than having to feel

The way you’re reaction or lack of reaction

Is making me feel right now

I go into things with the best heart

But for what?

Just to have bunch of bad feelings and negative remarks

Your jokes are kinda mean

You say no almost everything I am excited about

You’re sweet to be sour

You reject me

In more ways than you’re aware.

And being aware means sometimes having to admit your wrong so that’s not going to happen

And I feel bad for even trying to include you into my life

Or bring excited

I want to do things with you

But you have this negative vibe towards me

And it crushes my child like excitement that I had towards us.

I’m cold

It’s cold out here

And where are you?

…

Why do I want

What doesn’t want me

What doesn’t care about about taking care

There is no care in this stupid world

Only selfish people

Who don’t give any of themselves

In any way that doesn’t serve them

Yet they expect and take all from others

You want control

I want out

Of waking up

Every fucking day

Surrounded by assholes

And selfish fucks

That fuck up my head and my heart

Cause I actually have a head and a heart

This is where

I draw the line

I got too much good

To let a world where I cannot be myself

Ruin me

I’d rather ruin me

Before they do.

Kick rocks

I wish the best for the world

But take a real good look at the works abs where it’s going

Take a real good look at the people

Take a real good look at yourself

Yeah… No thanks

One day I realized that this isn’t going to change.

It’s only getting worse

And i was right.

I’m not going to suffer just cause you ask me to

My selfishness isn’t soul stripping or heartbreaking like living is for me now

In a few years it won’t even matter. Life goes on. People only care about what they can never get back once it’s gone and they can never get it back .

I’ll make my own heaven the way I want

But it ain’t gonna be here

This here is hell

So long

I get treated like nothing

He is just like the rest

Void of emotions

He doesn’t really give a fuck about me

Or how I feel

I’m tired of life

I’m tired of giving a part of myself to someone

Who I think cares for me

But only cares about themselves

I feel so alone in this world

I’m tired

I’m spent

And I don’t want to be here anymore.

36 years is enough

All the assholes can deal with each other

I’m jumping ship

Fuck this