the end – skin loves fever

Letting Go: Healing Alone Before Finding Someone Real

I’ve been in love
and I’ve lost it too
but I never expected
to ever love you
I gave you a lot
I gave you me
but it made me blind
too blind to see

that you were somebody
i was better off not to know
quickly we were so close
only to have you just as quickly go

away.

and that is how I want you to stay

away.

you don’t appreciate what we had
so I would not want you to stay anyway

it’s better this way
it’s better this way

too much baggage
you carry
you can’t put down
why would anyone really
want to stick around
when you can’t
and you won’t and you don’t
you jumped right back out
when you’re not even close to being ready
or steady enough to be
where there is people looking for something and someone real
you only care about what you see
and how YOU feel
not how others feel
you need to take alone to heal
YOU
before
you try to find someone else
you’re not ready for
when you aren’t looking for something more
from someone else
but you lead them on
I’m happy you are gone
and
I’m happy to not be
anything with you
(nothing with you)
anymore

the end.

I’ve experienced the pain of love and loss, and I never anticipated feeling the way I did for you. I gave my all, but it blinded me to the truth. Sometimes, it’s better not to know someone, especially when they come into your life only to leave just as quickly. It’s okay for you to stay away, as I realize now that you never truly appreciated our relationship. It’s for the best. You carry too much baggage and aren’t ready for something real. Take time for yourself before leading others on. I’m content that you’re no longer part of my life. The end.

Check out the link below for some amazing books that will help you feel better after a breakup or the ending of a relationship, or just to help you improve the way you feel about yourself..

self help books

part 2

moments i want to remember

Irish goodbye – post 1 of 2

What gets lost

I can only care

As much as you care about me

But I’ll be gone

And I won’t ever come back

Appreciation

I’m sorry for all that I did to make you feel unloved

I loved (love) you more than anything

I really should have handled things differently

I think we both could have but

I’m not here to point fingers

All I want is for you

To be happy

Even if it’s not with me.

For Wolfie (F.F.)

I loved you.
My love for you
was deeper and stronger than
you will ever know.
You rejected it.
You still reject it
and you will always reject it
because holding on to what is NOT true
is more important to you
than
holding on to me
and us.
You were my lover
and my friend
and you had so many chances to
make it right
make it better
be here
like you said you would
be my friend
and follow through with your words
but you never did
you never do
and now there is nothing that I can do
because
there is no more time.
the time you had
you wasted
you ignored
you spent punishing me
all the things you failed to see
will soon be gone
at least for me
you only punished yourself.

all the times I called you
– got no answer-
asked you to come over
and see me
one last time
–
I called your name
many times
and still you never came

once upon a time
you were my love…

now it’s my time to say goodbye…

so goodbye.

even though I am no longer important to you
even though you cared more about hating me
than loving me
I will forever (beyond this lifetime) love you
and
you will forever be important to me
—
I’ll see you again my friend
in the next life
when we come back as cats
(or me as a bird and you as a wolf)

Goodbye.
…

2 pianos and a cat

I sit here and look at a room filled with stuff
memories collecting dust
2 pianos covered with this and that
and on the couch asleep
is my siamese cat
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to say
when fear sets in
and gets in the way
frightened child
inside the 40 year old me
why must I always have to be
number 1
the best
the first
the only
given 100%
have all
or want nothing
I don’t know…

I sit here
and wait for my feelings to go
down a bit
level out
but I know
if I do
then I’ll do without
so I sit
in silence
Let myself feel

Letting go

Is the way to heal

may your dreams be better than this

in a blink of an eye-
lash out
and about
face-
time-keeps on
ticking
TICKING
ticking
into
the futureless
loop
of hands that
wave high
and scoop low

and everything we think we know
has been wrong
as the grand finale
begins
this marks our end
this is our swan song

oh sing me a tune
one soft and sweet
a song where I
and the dreamworld meet
one that soothes me to slumber

and one that will promise to keep
me safe
from
the fall
of it all
and what is about to come.

-kyoko cole

Crow for dinner?

burnt my two fingers

Burnt

Two fingers

Dry lips

Make Papers stick

As fingers slide down

I ash all over myself

So not myself .

Or maybe this is really

Who I am.

God damn

Albatross

Knuckle under

Kneel over

Found myself down

Seems like a lot has

kicked me around

To the ground

Where I’ve already been

But now

The difference is

I don’t care

To speak up

To say how I feel

To any of you

Who fake being real

What good does it do

If people aren’t true

It doesn’t.

Another night locked up

In a bathroom

In a cell

In this self created hell

Alone

And not feeling so well

Alone

But Not feeling all that bad

Actually feeling somewhat glad

Water from the faucet

Water down the drain

I’m done with you

I’m done with pane (yes I spelled that right)

Want to start a fight

No thanks

The hour is getting late

Not worth the wait

Take one for the road

and I also took off

This heavy load

Without a voice

But that is by choice

My choice

Is now

To rejoice

In putting an end

to every useless fairweather friend

I didn’t want or ever need

I’ve already started planting new seeds

Of change

And I am happier right now

than I have ever been.

Time to allow

Only the best things in

With my little furry friend

I know that whatever comes after this

will be alright

so this is how the story ends

no words to say
to song to sing
this is the sorrow
this mourning brings
the start of your week
is the end of my day
nothing really matters
to me anyway.
i was happy
when i made you happy
but now the ideas you make up in your head
make you sad
at me
make you mad
at me
and i will never be
who you want
me to be
i will never feel
your sunshine again
but i will always know
this darkness
that you left me in
on this day
today
that you went away
and made me have to go.
this kind of love
this kind of life
i already know
so well—
so long
so many times
i guess it was me
who was wrong
all along
i don’t fit
in this world
i can’t sit
i don’t have my place
so i quit
this shit
and burn
any trace
of me
you will never see
my face
or my smile
and after a while
you’ll forget that too
this is my goodbye
to you