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Irish goodbye – post 1 of 2
Tag: death
For Wolfie (F.F.)
I loved you.
My love for you
was deeper and stronger than
you will ever know.
You rejected it.
You still reject it
and you will always reject it
because holding on to what is NOT true
is more important to you
than
holding on to me
and us.
You were my lover
and my friend
and you had so many chances to
make it right
make it better
be here
like you said you would
be my friend
and follow through with your words
but you never did
you never do
and now there is nothing that I can do
because
there is no more time.
the time you had
you wasted
you ignored
you spent punishing me
all the things you failed to see
will soon be gone
at least for me
you only punished yourself.
all the times I called you
– got no answer-
asked you to come over
and see me
one last time
–
I called your name
many times
and still you never came
once upon a time
you were my love…
now it’s my time to say goodbye…
so goodbye.
even though I am no longer important to you
even though you cared more about hating me
than loving me
I will forever (beyond this lifetime) love you
and
you will forever be important to me
—
I’ll see you again my friend
in the next life
when we come back as cats
(or me as a bird and you as a wolf)
Goodbye.
…
The truth in rented rooms
The past is there
We leave a part
Of who we are
Who we were
Taken in and
Pushed out
Somewhere pieces of us
Remain
In a micro trace
Floating in air
Or somewhere in space
Sometimes i feel you
Within an old place
Or taken again
In someone
Out somewhere
Breathing in air
truth in rented rooms
walls that have stood
lifetimes before I ever would –
Collecting secrets
Collecting dust
In forgotten spaces
in forgotten faces
In rented rooms
Misunderstood
Sometimes I wish I could
The hurt
Leave this body
and just forget
But like old walls
Hold silhouettes
Of the past
that will never be again
I hold
A part of you
waiting out the days
Don’t want to scream and shout
but I can’t seem to figure it out
I feel like half a person
a big hole in soul
a big hole in my heart
when I reach out to you
you just tear me more apart
and I wish I was better
maybe better off dead
I let myself go through it
be in it
just to get you out of my head.
it’s so easy for you to be mean
hide behind your smoke screen
if you ever loved me
if you ever cared
I can’t tell
I’m not well
you love seeing me down
you love putting me through hell
and I wish I was happy
maybe I’d be better off dead
I have to get through this
be in this
just to shed you from my head
I know things will get easier
time heals
or so they say
but right now
I’m all kinds of broken
-just waiting out the days
until I’m okay again
Above is a great journal to help you get through a breakup. Sometimes keeping a record of how you feel and what you’re going through day by day can help you better understand yourself and be more self-aware. It also can help you be aware of unhealthy patterns and habits.
where no one can find me
Seven days
Of solid sadness
Sinking slipping sinking deep
Shooting guns
all a Blazin’
grazin’ skin
but I can’t sleep
I can only fade away
As the pieces creep on in
But where I am
Who knows where
I end and
you begin
I do…
and I waited for you
but I can’t get you to
I don’t know where you are
I don’t know where you hide
I am all alone here
Got no one by my side
I don’t need to be yours
If you aren’t really here
I don’t need to feel safe
When I live with all my fears
I have no choice….
Seven deadly sins
But none as deadly as your cold
even the book of right and wrong
all those lessons have grown old
Like me
I don’t know where you are
I don’t know where you hide
I don’t need to be anybody’s baby
When there’s no one by my side
You can take off to the city
You can take off to the shore
You can take off with my soul
I don’t need it anymore
I don’t need it anymore
I don’t need me anymore
some day after this one
there will be no place left for you to hide
that is when you will finally understand me
with no one by your side
like me
many years too late
many years lost
we fight to be right
but at what cost
This world is not made for lovers
This world is not made for the kind
This world is out for blood
out to kill your soul and steal your mind
this is no fun
Better to be dead
than always on the run
it’s not living
when your time is done
Like me
make your way
the years go by
so fast
warp speed
did I need…
all the crazy
all the bullshit???
I don’t understand
how so many years
have passed
in a flash of light
in the beat of a heart
sometimes I just want to go back
to back to the start
just yesterday
I was there
now I’m here
aged in the
age of lament
with all those years
and days
and moments
spent
with all the people
and places
and things
that went
along
now gone
time
the bittersweet
heartbreaker
what’s it all about
to be with
only then to be left without
it’s kind of a cruel joke
we are born
just to croak
all the pain and all the joy
we will never be here again
not like this
not this moment
not ever again
let the love in
let the bullshit go
you will miss this
you will miss
I miss it
more than you will ever know
4 a.m. blues
lightning bolt eyes
star kissed smile
i haven’t been fooled
by that face in awhile
words dipped sweet
kissed sugar lips
I drown in a rush
of slippery slips
you comfort me
with a whisper of sweet nothings
you relax me to sleep before the kill
and make me feel it’s such a thrill
your touch
is the clutch
that tangles me
and strangles me
softly
hard
and hardly soft
I open my eyes
to realize
a moment
too late
then forever gone
and so am I.
murdered by love
or assisted suicide
either way
a perfect way to die.
Interrupted
Why?
If God exists then why would he/she want us to suffer?
It makes no sense
It’s cruel
And unfair
And I hate this so called God
Or whoever
Whatever
Is in charge
Of taking
Away
The things ( that aren’t just things)
I love
If there is a God…
Why would you do this?
You have completely destroyed my heart.
4:14 am Sunday morning
It’s raining and I’m sitting in my car outside my house.
I am alone
And I feel nothing but cold
When you die
You die alone
And I will not go to your funeral
No one will
I will not visit your grave
I will not cry
For I have no tears
Left
For what
I have already begun to forget
I have no fears
I have already lost everything before
You can’t take away anymore
Only years
Which I will forget as well
I will disappear
Like I never was here
And you will be left with
only a shadow
The memories
A reminder
Of my face
You can never replace
You can never erase
But never have back the same again
For I am not the same
I feel nothing but cold
Apathy
A night
A fuck
A sore
A bore
It’s hard to ignore
The lack of care
In your stare
Unaffected
Disconnected
It’s the way
People in this town
Seem to be
Now
And this apathy
Is making me
Want to get the fuck out
Of this
And jump into
Something new.
At the end of the stars there is love
by myself
crushed and flooded
by the fall of you
the moonlight
would laugh at me
if he could
I found sanity in the bottle
the wind catches a thought
with my heart in limbo
I must be lost
in a mess
of sadness
just like me
it was hiding
by myself
crushed and flooded
by the fall of you
the moonlight
would laugh at me
if he could
I found sanity in the bottle
the wind catches a thought
with my heart in limbo
I must be lost
in a mess
of sadness
just like me
it was hiding
the song held out its hand
I still wonder why
you suffered so
and felt the weight
of my troubled soul
so many illusions break through
an honest man
without branches
is always
the first to go
the best we’ve had
I would run to you in a moment
my fantasies
make me hear your voice
at the center of the light
in darkness
i see you
at the end of the stars
there is love.
-kyoko cole
2018
skin loves fever 
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