there’s no other way

there’s no other way
and no other day
to say
goodbye
all the things
i would, would not
and could never say
but now i need to go away
i really did try
day after day
just to get by
some things are for letting go
some things we must learn to let die

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poisoned brain

don’t want to try
to do anything different
than what hasn’t worked
a whole life time
but it’s never you

or it always you
but that’s just what you’ve expect for yourself
even though you are more than that
sometimes

but sometimes isn’t enough i guess

when you don’t see it

and when you don’t care

how can anyone else?

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It’s not my time or maybe it’s exactly that

I might have let it get to me
What I feel
What I see
What is what
What is not
I don’t know
What is real
i don’t know
much of what is
other than
what i feel
And what’s really to be
What you
do
and
do not
show
And what all is
left over
Rinsed out
the residue
Really has got a hold of me
For the time being
for now
but
Not forever
The hazy
Dazy
Lazy
crazy
Glue
of me
But nothing
ever sticks to you
All that is
or isn’t
ever true
with you
You can quickly cut
You can easily undo
as i struggle to make my way through

it all..
From a reaction
without any
satisfaction

What it is
what isn’t
and what it never was
and what it will never be
as anger grows
and confusion shows
only breeds
more negativity
and nothing more
out of  nothing less
with less and less humility
Tear down everything
Instead of build  up
now lost
as
we lose
No trying
to understand
No one
to hold my hand
lack of care
Lack of love
i ask for a miracle
or something more
from up above

i don’t know the name
it all starts to become the same

as everything before
until there is no more

we all lose ourselves out there somewhere
but where are you …???
and where am i???

20 years have gone by too soon
come back down
to this place
underneath the timeless moon

i used to write (i’m writing now)

i used to write
my heart out
without any doubt
without any fright
but somewhere along the heartache and years
there seems to be a build up of unsound fears
that accumulate
in a frantic state
inside an emotional ride
takes me to the other side
automatic
erratic
sick and unfit
the only way out
is to move through it

be silent and still
and in the right state of mind
i find
myself
and know myself
better than to let
any thing or anyone
get
me down –
the truth is those things don’t matter to me
i matter to me
knowing myself is what sets me free
-k.c.

dalmur0091

the ghost of my friends

This is not a prison.

This is a trap.

I am the bait.

___________________________________________________________

Having balls is a good thing
having raw passion is a good thing and a rare thing.
To have both passion AND balls is what makes someone great.
I miss the great ones

I miss the lovers
and the dreamers/creators
I miss the artists
I miss the tortured souls- the poets…the journeymen …
and I mean the real ones
the real risk takers
the real love makers
the ones that do what they were born to do
unafraid of being who they really are
the ones that live for what they love
and the ones that love to love.
it has nothing to do with image
and everything to do with heart and soul
and pure being
I miss the truth in them
I miss their passion
I miss having them around
I miss them knocking at my bedroom window at 3am
driven by desire
driven by love
and…That feeling –
that wonderful feeling of hope and wonder
and the excitement in life and love
I miss the fire

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-kyoko cole  2008

in between the moon and you

we retreat now
you and i
are –
hidden.
for 
awhile

people in
shadows
we lay low
in the dark

can’t talk
to you
can’t talk to me
as it goes 
back
now 

like we are
like we were
like we sometimes
always seem to do

when time trips
and slips
and fades to
and through
in front of
and
sometimes always behind
me and you

we are like the moon
in retrograde.

-kyoko cole 2013

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you are my sunshine my only sunshine – merry christmas

when you sang that song for me
20 + years ago now
i was laying next to you in bed
and i remember crying because i knew how special i was
for you to show me that affection and say i love you
when you grew up without it
and you were brought up to not show it
in our culture and our family it’s not something you do
but for me you did
and i cried at that moment knowing that someday it
and you and everything that means the most to me
would be gone
i was 11 and i knew it then
now i”m 33 and i still know it but now i have to face it and
i don’t want to say goodbye
memories of what was
and what will never be again
– in the many things that i’ve known and loved
i miss
and will forever miss
i wish i could go back
and live it all over again
even the bad cause those moments with you mean the most
my childhood was blessed with a grandmother who loved me
and did everything she could for me
and it hurts to look back at what you had
and see that you did not know what you had
while you had it –
and know that you will never have that again
– it doesn’t take away from the great things to come
i just miss those times
that as a child you think will always stay the same
and you never think about how drastically things change and disappear and die
and are lost with the years that creep by you ever so quickly
and i will forever miss it
and i will forever miss and love her
she always loved me and was there for me
when no one else was
-here is no home base now
there is no safe place
to fall back if needed
there is no one there now to take care of me
cause sometimes i need a little bit being taken care of
even still as an adult
we all need to know that someone cares and loves us no matter what
i love you grandma

you are my sunshine

Head through a wall


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Rhapsodies in black
reality in the lowest rank
“Just love me” she said
Not
Ever

 

he was a man full of junk
dead love
wasted drunk

 

but the Static
Clinging on
Sticking to
Stuck
yuck
sucks
The living life
Right out of you
Everything happens at once
or happens for a reason
they say
who said what?
who is they? and how would they know me?
Discontents
The contents
Inside
Spilling
Outside
spills over
and 10 times 
Removed
The voice and void
the Twisted twister
Dissonant
And distant
mister
you
mister who?
you i never knew

Building
Walls
Built to last?
more like
Built to destroy

Wedged Between
The good, the bad and the ugly
Misunderstood
Misreadings
everything
I see / you mean
a
Identity crisis

Stamp of impulse
take 3 steps away then
Draw
 it’s gone
Before it hits the floor
Poet assassinated
Strange attractors hover
Hiding in the many
ever more

Cats in bags
Dread
Taming the gremlin
Blurred emotions
 seek out
Mail order monsters
 that arrive at your door

Mouth
it
out
it enters
With/without
an invitation
with / without a sound
the Devil on the stairs
is what you have found
no clear
Points of entry
only old joy
burns
but never
returns
Bad girls and and sick boys
Never odd or even
the dead

never grow old

under a Full moon
it lingers
the sight and sounds
Dead Elvis
Unplugged

the last days
of the ninth life

is it becoming real now?
what is
is now real gone.

 

The unrequited love ( between two worlds)

Nothing is more dangerous than desire when it’s wrong

Play dead
To save myself

From you
Handsome devil, you

You
Who
killed me first
Inside
my head and heart
And My love
You tortured
Fucked with enough to ruin
But kept just enough alive to still keep

To have around for
whenever you damn well please
When you want or when you need me
But Only For helping you
And Never for the love of me
And when you don’t want or need me
You push me out
And down
And away
….

…Just enough…
But really not much of anything
anything that’s really real
And you are really not much of that
Or much to love now
I think I’ve reached that point
Where Giving up and going on
Are both the same dead-end to me

Play dead
For only you
And your Dead love
Will end

I hurt so completely, all I could do was laugh

 

-kyoko cole 2014

Stained

Time press
Ink press
Pressure
press her
down
Under and pull one over on her
over head Of clouds

— Time stamp
Life stamp
tramp stamp
Stomp around
going Up and
COMING down
The disabled ramp
excuse me – i mean – the ramp for the disabled
We could be together
if we really tried
if you really wanted it to be
If you allowed it
and I would give it and you my all
If you let me

— But you won’t
And you don’t
And I’m not yours
And you are not mine
Now and
Forever always on
forever always gone

 

-kyoko cole

2

nothing missing

Woke up the morning and I missed you more than ever.
Now I’m trying to put you down
Erase you
Replace you
Forget
Reject
Disinfect
Eject
You
from
me
But I know
That
it’s never quite that easy
or maybe it is
cause it is
nothing now
and so
live like it’s nothing
and love like it never was

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