alone – skin loves fever

waiting out the days

Don’t want to scream and shout
but I can’t seem to figure it out
I feel like half a person
a big hole in soul
a big hole in my heart
when I reach out to you
you just tear me more apart

and I wish I was better
maybe better off dead
I let myself go through it
be in it
just to get you out of my head.

it’s so easy for you to be mean
hide behind your smoke screen
if you ever loved me
if you ever cared
I can’t tell
I’m not well
you love seeing me down
you love putting me through hell

and I wish I was happy
maybe I’d be better off dead
I have to get through this
be in this
just to shed you from my head

I know things will get easier
time heals
or so they say
but right now
I’m all kinds of broken
-just waiting out the days

until I’m okay again

Photo by Tuesday Temptation on Pexels.com

Above is a great journal to help you get through a breakup. Sometimes keeping a record of how you feel and what you’re going through day by day can help you better understand yourself and be more self-aware. It also can help you be aware of unhealthy patterns and habits.

where no one can find me

Seven days

Of solid sadness

Sinking slipping sinking deep

Shooting guns

all a Blazin’

grazin’ skin

but I can’t sleep

I can only fade away

As the pieces creep on in

But where I am

Who knows where
I end and
you begin

I do…
and I waited for you
but I can’t get you to

I don’t know where you are
I don’t know where you hide
I am all alone here
Got no one by my side

I don’t need to be yours
If you aren’t really here
I don’t need to feel safe
When I live with all my fears

I have no choice….

Seven deadly sins
But none as deadly as your cold
even the book of right and wrong
all those lessons have grown old

Like me

I don’t know where you are
I don’t know where you hide
I don’t need to be anybody’s baby
When there’s no one by my side

You can take off to the city
You can take off to the shore
You can take off with my soul
I don’t need it anymore

I don’t need it anymore

I don’t need me anymore

some day after this one
there will be no place left for you to hide
that is when you will finally understand me
with no one by your side

like me

many years too late
many years lost
we fight to be right
but at what cost

This world is not made for lovers
This world is not made for the kind
This world is out for blood
out to kill your soul and steal your mind

this is no fun

Better to be dead
than always on the run
it’s not living
when your time is done

Like me

morning chill

early Tuesday morning. 5:am
Just finished packing my car
The morning air is an uncomfortable kind of sharp
The wind only makes it worse.
I’m just about ready
to leave this shit hole
before the sun comes out
so I don’t have to see how ugly it is.
the morning sun is harsh
and I don’t want to be stuck in traffic.

I don’t say goodbye
I haven’t told anyone where I’m going
cause I don’t even know
I give my cats some love
and close the door behind me
as I get in the car
I shiver and shake
inside
warming up my car
watching my own breath
I am beside myself
this was my only option
… well not my only option

but
I’ll save that for another day

heading out of this town
I begin to feel okay
I think I might get a new number
go by some other name
just so I don’t feel the same
as I did here
when I get to wherever I go
I don’t know.

and
not knowing
is okay by me.

To be ignored

to be ignored

By the person you truly love

Is the worst feeling in the world.

Low vibe mister

Avoid

A void

Is all you

It’s all you do

Anything that takes some work

makes you take off

sets you off

You have something to prove

The way you move

Shows an anger

That has built

Over time

the way you deal

Is by not dealing at all

one question leads you to war

there’s no way to even the score

With a narcissist like you

you can’t forgive

You can’t give love

You don’t have

You build up a false self

while the real you hides somewhere

collecting dust on a shelf

and it sucks being somebody who loves you

Cause you can’t change

If you think you’re perfect

Hank

You were great

I’ll miss you

We will all miss you

Forever…

What can I do?

Nothing
Even though the unhealthy partv if me wants to try
I see no reason to.

Someday never comes

Busted pieces

Faulty parts

Dead eyes

Cold hearts

There’s no use in trying

To save what’s sunk

There’s no use in holding

On to what’s junk

The city of stars

Is under a starless sky

The city of sunshine

Is where light comes to die

It’s a fraud

It’s a fake

It’s the kind of city that will make

And break

You into the worst

But first

It will take

You

And

It will blind you

With the illusion

And then fill you up with confusion

Until you

are no longer you anymore

Love means nothing Here

It’s just a word people throw around and use

and abuse.

There’s no use in trying

There is no use in trying

-Kyoko Cole 2017

Goodbye song

Loves shadow hangs low

Loves broken me in two

Million pieces

And at moments

I feel like I can’t go on
But it’s alright

I’ll be alright

Even if I’m all wrong

I’ll sing my song

And mourn the loss of you
No closed doors

All were left wide open

And the empty hallways

Left my empty too

And at this moment I feel like I can’t go on
But it’s alright

I’ll be alright

Even if I’m all wrong

I’ll sing this song

For it’s my way to say goodbye to you

-kyoko Cole 2017

A fight I can’t win

I used to try

But now I see

That it ain’t me

That’s the problem

And you can believe

Whatever you make up in your head

But I see

What’s actually reality

And you just don’t.

Everything you do is like toxic glue

It’s easy to stick to you

I thought you loved me too

But now I see that you don’t love me at all

Emotional abuser

Manipulator user

Narcissistic paranoid accuser

A liar

A blamer

A child

A shamer

Just a loser

Who’s gonna lose in the end

Cause you can’t grow

If you think you know

It all

But clearly you know nothing

But a bunch of bullshit

You’ve Brainwashed yourself to believe

Where is your heart?

You have no heart

No love

No care

You’re a little angry man

Unaware

Of what really matters

Unable to ever change

Amateurs (don’t take things or this so seriously)

thirteen ways to kill your lover
a hundred and one ways to die

Thirteen ways

To kill your lover

A hundred and one ways to die

It pays

To be

Cemented in your ways

Or does is pay to be

Wild in the streets

Like a wild card

Jump up jump around
New York girls

Are too hip

As they hop

To the top

of the Empire state building

Which I don’t care to ever climb

A Hot house
As Cold

As your unbearable heart

Finish what you start, you say

As everything slowly starts to shift

Deterioration, they said

Right before it was dead

It was everything that ever was

That is not a thing any more

That couple over there

Kindly lent their owner

To the dogs

Frequencies are
Less frequently

Felt in the air

The less we care

The more we

Dread

The dead

That’s a coming

Round the bend

So buckle up partner

It’s coming to the end

The perfect partner

Of An imperfect pair

Doesn’t dare

Taunt

The electronic wizard

The human lizard

But will haunt

The Spirit hunter

And the Catholic priest

Who will soon sit down

For the mighty feast

And break some bread

And both get fed

The last supper

Is a coming soon

Blasted allegories
Blast past noon

You are Not there

In the making

the making that never was

Was never there within you

Take me to the river

Drown me in the water

Let it cover me up

And Let my body sink low

The more you say

The less you know

Misleading

Misreadings

Draw on you now

Like the raise of an arm

And the hand that signals the alarm

To wake up

Wake up

WAKE THE FUCK UP

Before it’s too late

wait it already is …

-kyoko cole 2017

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