The pursuer-distancer pattern
Therapist Dr. Harriet Lerner summarizes the pattern like this.
A partner with pursuing behavior tends to respond to relationship stress by moving toward the other. They seek communication, discussion, togetherness, and expression. They are urgent in their efforts to fix what they think is wrong. They are anxious about the distance their partner has created and take it personally.
Too cool for school
That’s alright
That’s pretty fucking cool
You fool
Cool guy
Why?
You gotta be so cool
Makes me sick
Makes me want to go home
Makes me want to go away
Makes me feel like high school
Mr cool.
Fuck that shit
I quit
Goodbye
Hahaha
Shit
Good night
by myself
crushed and flooded
by the fall of you
the moonlight
would laugh at me
if he could
I found sanity in the bottle
the wind catches a thought
with my heart in limbo
I must be lost
in a mess
of sadness
just like me
it was hiding
by myself
crushed and flooded
by the fall of you
the moonlight
would laugh at me
if he could
I found sanity in the bottle
the wind catches a thought
with my heart in limbo
I must be lost
in a mess
of sadness
just like me
it was hiding
the song held out its hand
I still wonder why
you suffered so
and felt the weight
of my troubled soul
so many illusions break through
an honest man
without branches
is always
the first to go
the best we’ve had
I would run to you in a moment
my fantasies
make me hear your voice
at the center of the light
in darkness
i see you
at the end of the stars
there is love.
-kyoko cole
2018
Head -on
Tail spin
Lose yourself
Then you begin
Again
And again
It seems like I’m always starting over
It seems like I’m always going backwards
In the race around the track
I get myself back
Or do I?
Head -on
Tail spin
Lose yourself
Then you begin
Again
And again
It seems like I’m always starting over
It seems like I’m always going backwards
In the race around the track
I get myself back
Or do I?
Maybe I’m just a little more tired
Tired of trying
Again and Again
-kyoko cole
2018
Hard to spot sometimes.
But they chew
Through
Your stuff
And they’ll chew Through
You too.
A snake is the grass
Will bite you in the ass
Stab you in the back
And then turn it around
On you and attack
You like you were the one
Who drew first.
I didn’t draw knives at all
Or guns
But I will.
And never trust a woman who has no respect for another woman’s relationship
Cause they have no respect for anyone
Especially no respect for themselves.
Run home little girl
Nobody likes you
Cause you are easy to have
And many have had you
You jump under covers
Jump beds
Play with heads
And let everyone fuck you
And I mean everyone
Cause you’re lonely
And that’s pathetic
Cause you need to feel
Like you matter
Like you’re loved
But you’re not
Cause how could someone love someone like you
Who
Says things to plant the seed
In the heart of a man that doesn’t belong to you
And you knew
What you were doing
And didn’t care
Cause you can’t be alone
I smell a FAT rat
That
Does not know the true meaning
Of loyalty
And respect
So what do you expect?
People to not see what kind of shit person you really are?
You whore the whole bar
And I love to watch you drink
Until you drink
And you ask for it
So I love to watch you drown
I’m glad you’re getting the fuck out of MY fucking town
You bitch
(sorry for such anger but I’m fucking angry at people who have no respect for how they treat others until someone does the same thing to them. And even still that won’t teach them how to be a better person when they’re just not)
a piece of me
a piece of you
died Thursday morning
and i’m lost without
Shutter out
Bright
In
I sin
And then begin
Again
What else is there to do?
I have no clue.
A piece of me
A piece of you
Died Thursday morning
And I’m lost without
Turning corners
I find doubt
Mixed in with finding pieces of really awesome
Most beautiful people I have ever known
The best of people
Life has ever shown
But I fuck
I suck?
I drink my way back to gold
One of the saddest stories ever told
Is the one I hold
Goodnight another day goes by with out my friend
Will we ever meet again?
I really hope we do.
-kyoko cole
Now that you’re gone
I have no one by my side
To help me through
That person was always you
Now i feel the loneliness
Of being truly alone
You were the greatest friend
I have ever known
That this world has ever shown
I’m not alright
I’m not okay
Just take me back
To a better day
You were always there for me
And I’m so grateful for that
And for you
Until we meet again
I love you…
My sweet friend
No.
Not at all
Never.
Not willing
Not capable
Not true.
Not wanting
Not caring maybe.
But I saw it once
When he maybe cared
Maybe wanted to
Maybe willing
Maybe the demons in his head
Were on vacation
Or tired.
Cause even demons need a break too
I don’t know
All I can say is how I feel
And it’s sad
To see someone you loved so much
Just turn into someone else
And have such hate
And meanness
Doesn’t make me angry
Doesn’t make me want to get revenge
I’m too sad for that
And revenge was never my thing
I let time and truth
Work it’s own magic
But right now
The kind of sadness I feel
Is like when a family member or someone you were super close dies
Except it’s worse
Cause he’s still there
Seeing whatever he wants to see
That isn’t really me
Not seeing me
But letting the real demons
Alter his brain
Take over his soul
Without him even knowing
It’s a sadness I can’t explain
Unless you’ve felt it before
One I never
Want to feel again.
-kyoko cole
I will never understand how some people can be so cold.
To turn off
To love conditionally
To have such black and white thinking and feeling
To be cruel
To make up reasons why to hate
To criticize and put down
Yet be blind to everything that’s good
To completely ignore their own behavior
To make another person feel unwanted
Unimportant
Useless
So many people “love” that way
That’s not love.
That’s just selfishness mixed with a bitterness
You teach others through love
You can kill a man with disregard and neglect
And a mean spirit
Some people’s truth is whatever they were conditioned with from the time they were born
All they know is to pass that down to anyone and everyone they touch.
Yet they don’t see it.
Some people love to blame others or something false as a reason to take out their anger and pain on someone
Some people only know how to push the people that care about them away.
If all you know is the negative
If all you’ve seen and experienced is negative
You’re gonna end up looking for the negative in everyone else that comes along
I wish compassion played a higher role in mankind
I wish people thought about the lasting effects of their actions and behavior towards others
I wish people didn’t react to things they make up in their head
We are in this world
Hopefully to help one another
Not to harm someone who truly loves you
And definitely not to harm the ones who love you just because our past experiences and trauma makes you think that it’s okay to do.
It’s sad.
But there will always be people out there who just don’t know why better
And /or just don’t care to be better than what was done to them.
For the first time
I truly
100%
without any doubt
Wish you the best
I Want the happiest life
For you
And for myself
Though our time together
Is now done
At least for now and the near future.
I am grateful
For the times we had
Both good and bad.
It was a part of my life
And I respect it
As that.
I am now okay
With letting you go.
I cannot make you stay
Nor would I want to.
I cannot change you
I can only change myself
I do not harbor any bad feels towards you
I need space and time to heal
Without you around
But I do not have bad feelings towards you.
However you feel about me is non of my concern anymore.
Those are your feelings and i respect that you are allowed to feel the way you do
Even if I don’t agree on what you feel and why you feel them
I cannot change how you feel
And I will not try
I know who i am
And i accept and love myself for who I am
I am still learning and growing and changing too. I am not perfect
No one is
But i know my worth
No one else has the power to determine that for me except for me.
If you do not know my worth
That is okay
You don’t have to
You don’t have to be around me
But i don’t have to be around you
I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel comfortable doing
I don’t have to be okay with something or someone that is not okay to me and my well being
I will keep my distance
I hope you will do the same.
Thank you
And goodbye
-KC
“A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” ~Jean de La Fontaine
3am sounds
Of Birds and coyotes
I wish I could speak to them
I wish I could speak to you
Get through to you
But I’m starting to see
That’s never going to happen
I’ll probably make more progress with the birds and coyotes
And him
As he sits next to me on the patio
We listen to music
And talk
Like the coyotes and birds do
One- on- one mixed-media art lessons in Los Angeles
‘Cause talking is better than working
I spend a lot of time pondering what it all means.
A Writer's Musings (And Likely Some Shameless Self-Promotion As Well)
An outlet for my random thoughts and interests
where would it flow...
Serving a little poetic nourishment Monday thru Friday and featuring a Short Play Saturday Matinee to read.
Tales From The Life Of A Soul
skin loves fever 
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