relationships – Page 3 – skin loves fever

I don’t know how I feel

a box full of lies
memories of something wonderful
that didn’t really mean a thing
ice cold
people get old
I’m not okay
but what can you do
I wouldn’t want someone like you
if I knew everything could turn
with the flip of a switch
which
I should have done
to you
you don’t need care
you don’t need love
you need to learn
how to treat people
and you need to learn
how to work things through
not just to run away.
some day it will be you
and i hope it makes you a better person
I don’t care
you can stay
the way
you are
far from my love
that I wasted
on someone who just doesn’t really care
I need to be more aware
of people who say I love you
too much
to make up for
the little love they have

I’m glad it’s over
at least I know who you are now
instead of finding out years from now
you’re not a bad person
you just don’t know how to love
and follow through
and work through
the times when things get rough
you’re not tough
but neither am I
so all I can do is sit here
alone and allow myself to cry
over what I thought was real
and hopefully soon
I won’t feel
anything at all for you anymore

2022

You want to leave me
and i can’t argue
i can’t give you anything
that will make you feel
like you should stay
if you’ve already made you way
Out the door
like I’ve seen
many times before
you ever existed in my life
all i can do is cry
as the greatest part of me
continues to die
the end is near
i say words
that have no sound
that you will never hear
the fear
of losing
again
wins.

Love

All I want to do

Is be close to you

I don’t want to waste any more time

Without you

When I know that you’re the one.

2 pianos and a cat

I sit here and look at a room filled with stuff
memories collecting dust
2 pianos covered with this and that
and on the couch asleep
is my siamese cat
I don’t know what to do
I don’t know what to say
when fear sets in
and gets in the way
frightened child
inside the 40 year old me
why must I always have to be
number 1
the best
the first
the only
given 100%
have all
or want nothing
I don’t know…

I sit here
and wait for my feelings to go
down a bit
level out
but I know
if I do
then I’ll do without
so I sit
in silence
Let myself feel

Letting go

Is the way to heal

waiting out the days

Don’t want to scream and shout
but I can’t seem to figure it out
I feel like half a person
a big hole in soul
a big hole in my heart
when I reach out to you
you just tear me more apart

and I wish I was better
maybe better off dead
I let myself go through it
be in it
just to get you out of my head.

it’s so easy for you to be mean
hide behind your smoke screen
if you ever loved me
if you ever cared
I can’t tell
I’m not well
you love seeing me down
you love putting me through hell

and I wish I was happy
maybe I’d be better off dead
I have to get through this
be in this
just to shed you from my head

I know things will get easier
time heals
or so they say
but right now
I’m all kinds of broken
-just waiting out the days

until I’m okay again

Photo by Tuesday Temptation on Pexels.com

Above is a great journal to help you get through a breakup. Sometimes keeping a record of how you feel and what you’re going through day by day can help you better understand yourself and be more self-aware. It also can help you be aware of unhealthy patterns and habits.

what a mess

you can be mad
misunderstand me
think that I’m bad
but I’m just here
alone and sad
if you could only see
what you meant to me

I need something good
to get me out of this funk
to show me that I could
have a good life
have a good day
remember why I’m here
help me find my way

cause being alone
is wrecking my mind
if you see me
please be kind

…. ugh

where no one can find me

Seven days

Of solid sadness

Sinking slipping sinking deep

Shooting guns

all a Blazin’

grazin’ skin

but I can’t sleep

I can only fade away

As the pieces creep on in

But where I am

Who knows where
I end and
you begin

I do…
and I waited for you
but I can’t get you to

I don’t know where you are
I don’t know where you hide
I am all alone here
Got no one by my side

I don’t need to be yours
If you aren’t really here
I don’t need to feel safe
When I live with all my fears

I have no choice….

Seven deadly sins
But none as deadly as your cold
even the book of right and wrong
all those lessons have grown old

Like me

I don’t know where you are
I don’t know where you hide
I don’t need to be anybody’s baby
When there’s no one by my side

You can take off to the city
You can take off to the shore
You can take off with my soul
I don’t need it anymore

I don’t need it anymore

I don’t need me anymore

some day after this one
there will be no place left for you to hide
that is when you will finally understand me
with no one by your side

like me

many years too late
many years lost
we fight to be right
but at what cost

This world is not made for lovers
This world is not made for the kind
This world is out for blood
out to kill your soul and steal your mind

this is no fun

Better to be dead
than always on the run
it’s not living
when your time is done

Like me

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space

heart space
room space
head space
my space
shared with a
head case
nowhere to go
no place
to move
I can’t breathe
I can’t face
it anymore
I try…
to make it better
I try
to make it okay-
to make it
just o.k.-
only to
have it not be
okay
only to have it
stay…
Just the same
or get even worse.
like a curse
I need to reverse
but I can’t
seem to –
get myself back
on track
when I have no space
to move
No space to breathe
no space to live
please just give
me a break
for god’s sake
at least be helpful
not harmful
be aware
and care
instead of just
always there
– always in my way.
please…
make it be better than just okay.
because every day
living this way-
is not living
it’s death-

at least tomorrow
*sigh*
is a new day
to try again.

-k.c.

I need my space
and a notebook to write my poems

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the end

I am alone
with my head
and my heavy heart
silent
and cold
why did you leave me this way?
why did you promise me you would always stay.
now I am left alone
with only these feelings
I get no response
no reply
from you
it’s like I’m not even here
like I’m invisible
not worth your time
and it hurts
it hurts so bad
to be ignored
and treated like
nothing.
nobody
when I was once somebody to you.
what can I do?
not a thing
but to go away.
and stay away.
you pushed me so far away from you
so far gone is where I’ll stay.
this is the only way
I won’t have to feel
this pain.

miserableboy42

time for the tables to turn
it’s time for me to ignore
all that is you
cause all you seem to do
is find a reason
to make me wrong
so you can do what you do
and i’m not going to swallow that
shit you call love
when it’s all just abuse
i really loved you
and this is what you do
to me
who just wanted to be good to you
but even that
isn’t good enough for you
you look for any reason
to turn
what was true
into a lie
so you can do
whatever you want to do
you’d rather be right being wrong
the same ol’ story
your same old fucking song
it never mattered
how much or little
i give to you
the idea you have made up
in your wet drunken
sunken head
has killed my love
has left me mostly dead
instead of trust
you push and you push
until you bust
any good
that we had
some people love their misery
some people like being sad
and mad
and drunk
and sunk
and that someone is you
out to sea
this is you
but this ain’t me
your drowning
drowning in your own
sorrow
fucked up
and checked out
in your make believe
ugly world
that ain’t mine
this isn’t the time
to go down
to the hell
you call home