skin loves fever

Yes I’ve been distant

But you should know
You should understand
Or at least empathize
How I must feel
When you add delete
Add delete
At the drop of a hat
At the slightest turn of emotion
That comes at you
That goes through you
From day to day.
You are hot
Cold
Reactive
Jump around
Jump to conclusion
Reading far too much into
My actions
My current condition
All of me right now
you take wrong
You take too personal
You abuse
I can’t trust that.
Trust is built
And so are relationships
And so is the kind of love
You want
But don’t have the patience for
Actually building
Romantic love
Grows with time
And grows only if you allow and accept and show love
Especially showing it at times when you aren’t getting exactly what you want
But real love isn’t just about what you want
And when you add
Then delete again because you’re not getting exactly what you want
(When I’m giving as much as I can Right now)
You have already gotten rid of me first
You have pushed me away
And I don’t try to have something more with someone who already cut me down to less
That’s why
I keep my distance now
I don’t feel like you give me a reason to try so hard
Don’t add just to delete
And expect me to stick around

the last thing i’ll ever write about you

via burning of the midnight lamp- the owl of minerva: the last thing i’ll ever write about you.

in passing through the night
through the dark
it only takes a moment for you to pull me in—
this isn’t something i asked for
or maybe i did (long ago)
but i didn’t ask for you
and i didn’t want to feel this now
i’m thrown into this
somehow
and
i feel myself falling in
falling for
i feel myself wanting more
but tonight is the end
you know-this is where i stand
with my heart in my hand….
with my soul on my sleeve
it is now time for me to leave
– all i can do
all i can say
my words – my feelings
myself
will too soon fade away
this is the last thing i will ever write about you.

-kyoko cole 2008

the ghost of my friends

This is not a prison.

This is a trap.

I am the bait.

___________________________________________________________

Having balls is a good thing
having raw passion is a good thing and a rare thing.
To have both passion AND balls is what makes someone great.
I miss the great ones

I miss the lovers
and the dreamers/creators
I miss the artists
I miss the tortured souls- the poets…the journeymen …
and I mean the real ones
the real risk takers
the real love makers
the ones that do what they were born to do
unafraid of being who they really are
the ones that live for what they love
and the ones that love to love.
it has nothing to do with image
and everything to do with heart and soul
and pure being
I miss the truth in them
I miss their passion
I miss having them around
I miss them knocking at my bedroom window at 3am
driven by desire
driven by love
and…That feeling –
that wonderful feeling of hope and wonder
and the excitement in life and love
I miss the fire

-kyoko cole 2008

in between the moon and you

we retreat now
you and i
are –
hidden.
for awhile

people in
shadows
we lay low
in the dark

can’t talk
to you
can’t talk to me
as it goes back
now

like we are
like we were
like we sometimes
always seem to do

when time trips
and slips
and fades to
and through
in front of
and
sometimes always behind
me and you

we are like the moon
in retrograde.

-kyoko cole 2013

softies

skin touching skin
i let you in
silly goose
bumps

under
fingertips
jump rings

tracing over

Body parts and things

ever-so-softly
and ever-so-slowly

the light trace
of fingertips
excites me

In the most beautiful way

dance the night away

tonight

i’m listening to dylan
freewheelin’ bob dylan
on vinyl
on a really bad ass record player
in my basement
cause it sounds better than any other way
and cause it felt right.

and tonight
i feel a lot…
and don’t have it in me anymore,
to go on about it the same way as before-
but i will go about it -my way.
we all have our own way of mourning,
we all have our own way of letting go,
we have have our own way-
of saying goodbye.

my way is setting shit on fire,
the past is gone,
it’s just a goodbye.
you can’t change it
you can’t live in it
the past is gone
you can hold on
but it’s just a waste of time
leave the past-
that still occupies the brain,
and the heart,
and the life
behind.
holding on only makes
the past live
while YOU –
slowly die.
the past should be remembered and cherished
held in your heart and mind
to teach, to learn, to grow and to love.
i see so many people
haunted by ghosts
of regret and glory
i don’t want your picture
i don’t want the letters or notes or gifts from you
way back when
i don’t want any reminder of something that was so quickly cut out of my life
like it meant nothing
so now it means nothing
to set it on fire
and watch it burn
tonight i spent watching it burn away ‘)

you are my sunshine my only sunshine – merry christmas

when you sang that song for me
20 + years ago now
i was laying next to you in bed
and i remember crying because i knew how special i was
for you to show me that affection and say i love you
when you grew up without it
and you were brought up to not show it
in our culture and our family it’s not something you do
but for me you did
and i cried at that moment knowing that someday it
and you and everything that means the most to me
would be gone
i was 11 and i knew it then
now i”m 33 and i still know it but now i have to face it and
i don’t want to say goodbye
memories of what was
and what will never be again
– in the many things that i’ve known and loved
i miss
and will forever miss
i wish i could go back
and live it all over again
even the bad cause those moments with you mean the most
my childhood was blessed with a grandmother who loved me
and did everything she could for me
and it hurts to look back at what you had
and see that you did not know what you had
while you had it –
and know that you will never have that again
– it doesn’t take away from the great things to come
i just miss those times
that as a child you think will always stay the same
and you never think about how drastically things change and disappear and die
and are lost with the years that creep by you ever so quickly
and i will forever miss it
and i will forever miss and love her
she always loved me and was there for me
when no one else was
-here is no home base now
there is no safe place
to fall back if needed
there is no one there now to take care of me
cause sometimes i need a little bit being taken care of
even still as an adult
we all need to know that someone cares and loves us no matter what
i love you grandma

you are my sunshine

You Don’t Know What Love Is (you just do as you’re told) Lyrics- white stripes

This one is for you – you know who you are

In some respects
I suspect you’ve got a respectable side
When pushed and pulled and pressured
You seldom run and hide
But it’s for someone elses benefit
Not for what you wanna do
Until I realize that you’ve realized
I’m gonna say these words to you

You don’t know what love is
You do as you’re told
Just as a child at ten might act
But you’re far too old
You’re not hopeless or helpless
And I hate to sound cold
But you don’t know what love is…
You just do as you’re told

I can see your man
Cant help but win
Any problems that may arise
But in his mind there can be no sin
If you never criticize
You just keep on repeating
All those empty “I love you’s”
Until you say you deserve better
I’m gonna lay right into you

You don’t know what love is
You just do as you’re told
Just as a child of ten might act
But you’re far too old
Your not hopeless or helpless
And I hate to sound cold
But you don’t know what love is
No you don’t know what love is
No you don’t know what love is

You just do as you’re told
You do as you’re told
Yeah