b-side junkie

Stepping stone

Some things in life aren’t meant to be forever. They’re meant as a stepping stone to get you to where you need to go or where you’re suppose to be.

i wake up this morning
and feel it more than ever
nothing new
just much stronger now
and it runs much deeper
i know there’s nothing for me here
and all the reasons why
have become very clear
the end is near

-kc

“gun-shy” by grizzly bear

The sky keeps staring at me
Frozen in my tracks
(Nothing else to see)
And when I move my face left
You’re always standing there
(A shadow I can’t see)
And even then I can’t trace
You’re walking away

I put my ears to the ground
Always pushing down
(Nothing I can hear)
I found the worst half in me
We’re cut off at the knees
(Can’t even take a stand)
Against your words and beliefs
We didn’t wanna freeze

(All of the years, leaving me here
Gun-shy)
I don’t want to say it all again (the pain, losing my aim)
Never seem to see
(And why?) Do I always feel it all the same
The blisters in my eyes
(Recite) A guide that has only led me stray
And even as I limp (you smile)

The cold keeps tearing at me
Slowing down my blood
(Unable to speak)
I left my mind long ago
Choosing some false
(Always letting go)
And when I try to face you
You’re walking away

(All of the years, leaving me here
Gun-shy)
I don’t want to say it all again (the pain, losing my aim)
Never seem to see
(And why?) Do I always feel it all the same
The blisters in my eyes
(Recite) A guide that has only led me stray
And even as I limp (you smile)

left like dead

patterns darkly bragging
ink vanishes as the viper gleams
unchained reflections reflect
upon nights lonely kill
grimly, sad and clear
venomous pain sags heavy
down the heart beat and heart broken
unwanted
no love
no time
no effort for the dead

truth lies in blood streams of screams
shadows that flee warmly, crazy
the cold resurrection barks
machine gun round of stammer
gutless gypsies rain down
abandoned love floats helpless
somewhere
nowhere
unwanted
the bewildering black
illuminates dark

Stupid

Words are stupid
So are people
Most often
We think too much
And live from our ego
Rather than from our heart
We believe stupid things as truth
We are to quick to tell and yell
Things absurd
And false
Full of anger and hate
And stupid words
We cannot ever take back

And that’s what kills us
Years later
After we’ve pushed so much away
The regret
And the things we cannot ever take
Or get back
Tonight
I see my fate
And I hate
That we are so stupid
But I would be stupid
To let someone
I loved
Be so stupid with my love

Not tonight
Not again

The pope sneaks out with one of his bitches

Midnight hue
Black as coal
Black metallic
Shiny blue

Tea party
Tea bag
Party
Hearty
Ha ha ha

La la la
Ho
Fo
Sho’
Shine
It down
Shine
It on
Shiny
Things
To distract
React
Retract
yourself
On
To
I’m in the blue
Born
Into
The fire
it’s better to Burn out
than
Fade away
I didn’t say that
Wish I did
But
Neil young
Beat me to the punch
Just a hunch
But you were meant for me
And I
Was meant
For you

God is in us too

Movers and shakers

You make the works go round 🙂

and for that, i thank you 😉

“doctor my eyes” jackson browne

“Doctor My Eyes” – Jackson Browne

Doctor, my eyes have seen the years
And the slow parade of fears without crying
Now I want to understandI have done all that I could
To see the evil and the good without hiding
You must help me if you can

Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise to leave them open for so long

‘Cause I have wandered through this world
And as each moment has unfurled
I’ve been waiting to awaken from these dreams
People go just where there will
I never noticed them until I got this feeling
That it’s later than it seems

Doctor, my eyes
Tell me what you see
I hear their cries
Just say if it’s too late for me

Doctor, my eyes
Cannot see the sky
Is this the prize for having learned how not to cry

3 am visit

I love the nights
Where someone
You love
Loves you back
And
Shows you something
You needed to learn
needed to know
needed to remember
About yourself
About life
about love
And it fills that empty space in your heart
That you couldn’t fill on your own
That you almost believed would never be filled
It’s nights like tonight
That make me love more
I am truly grateful for the people who love me and who take the time and the care to show me the loving way.
I learn so much more from living out through the heart
Than living in my head.

saturday morning 8am

a man crying in the alley
saturday morning
no one knew he was there
but me
i found him
trying to lose myself
down that same alley way
to hide away
from you
and the world
and the knowing
and feeling
of how fucked i am
and how fucked i make everything
i love
i live to lose
nothing else fills
only sorrow and tears flood
the self outside myself folds
the self inside myself fades
as all i love fades too
the emptiness
stay empty
the more you yearn
for the missing
piece
the more nothing will fit
or fill
the hole.
how can you miss something you never really had to begin with?
the weight of nothing
is heavy
the man in the alley is now sobbing
out his heavy heart
as i carry the weight
and wait
for the end to start
and wait
for the sun to spill

leave behind what wants to stay behind
love the ones who love you
let the end start something new

pale shelter

inside your song
i can hear you speak
to me
and you say
all of the things
you could
you would
never say to me
otherwise
without something to hide your truth behind
without some way to mask what you really feel
the only truth i get from you is presented as a lie
hidden
inside behind between
and in plain sight
in between words
or are creeping inside a melody
it is there
i can feel it
i can hear it
i can taste it
i can see it
it says more
than you know
under a soft voice –
how you feel
and think
SCREAMS AT ME
and
makes me
feel
unwanted uncomfortable
and unsure if you even like me at all

we all hide behind something some time
we all are hidden sometimes
but if you’re hiding
something you dislike in me
enough to show me passive agressively
then i take it
like it is
which is that you don’t want me to stick around

i can’t keep loving
someone who isn’t truly loving back

show what you mean and mean what you show
more than or equal to what you say

if i only could make a deal with god

Sometimes stupid
Maybe less
Maybe more
Than you
Or you
Or any of you’s
who is
out there
Who’s
To say???
You got it made???
— Got it all worked out???
UP there stuck
in your head ok?
But then someday
you find that it’s not
What you FIRST thought
Only then you find yourself to stand
Where I stand now
and It’s then some how
you’re change of place
changes the view you face
And your sight you see
To understand me
What I tried to show
From my side now
You did not want to know

And I will go
On
And I will be
Somewhere Beyond the ocean
Somewhere Beyond the sea
Somewhere Beside
someone who
Is right there beside me
but over there now
Patiently waiting for me

For I know in my heart
That amazing things begin to start
As the old fades and falls apart
and greatness comes in …if you allow it to