My only regret
is that I did not forget
You sooner
Than this
And…
the only thing I truly miss
Was my idea of you
But not really you at all
Tag: loneliness
Sometimes
I will not
have you
Act like you did nothing
But be clear
About something
That was never clear
I will not
Have you
Matter to me
More than I matter to you
I will look at this
And see it for what it is
And look at you and see you for how you are
And i will remember this
And not ever be confused in thinking that your actions before were what they OBVIOUSLY are not now
Maybe someday you might see things from my side
But I don’t need to be close
To something that is so far away
To someone who closes me off
I don’t need to be anything or anyone
That means nothing
To you
i used to write (i’m writing now)
finding the way through fears. finding myself and the freedom that comes from knowing thy self.
i used to write
my heart out
without any doubt
without any fright
but somewhere along the heartache and years
there seems to be a build up of unsound fears
that accumulate
in a frantic state
inside an emotional ride
takes me to the other side
automatic
erratic
sick and unfit
the only way out
is to move through it
be silent and still
and in the right state of mind
i find
myself
and know myself
better than to let
any thing or anyone
get
me down –
the truth is those things don’t matter to me
i matter to me
knowing myself is what sets me free
-k.c.
charmless man
this song reminds me of someone stupid
“Charmless Man” by blur
I met him in a crowded room
Where people go to drink away their gloom
He sat me down and so began
The story of a charmless man
Educated the expensive way
He knows his claret from a beaujolais
I think he’d like to have been Ronnie Kray
But then nature didn’t make him that way
He thinks his educated airs those family shares
Will protect him, that you will respect him
He moves in circles of friends who just pretend that they like him
He does the same to them and when you put it all together
There’s the model of a charmless man
He knows the swingers and their cavalry
Says he can get in anywhere for free
I began to go a little cross eyed
And from this charmless man I just had to hide
He talks at speed he gets nose bleeds
He doesn’t see his days are tumbling down upon him
Yet he tries so hard to please he’s just so keen for you to listen
But no-one is listening and when you put it all together
There’s the model of a charmless man
He thinks his educated airs, those family shares
Will protect him, that you will respect him
Yet he tries so hard to please he’s just so keen for you to listen
But no-one is listening and when you put it all together
There’s the model of a charmless man
the last thing i’ll ever write about you
via burning of the midnight lamp- the owl of minerva: the last thing i’ll ever write about you.
in passing through the night
through the dark
it only takes a moment for you to pull me in—
this isn’t something i asked for
or maybe i did (long ago)
but i didn’t ask for you
and i didn’t want to feel this now
i’m thrown into this
somehow
and
i feel myself falling in
falling for
i feel myself wanting more
but tonight is the end
you know-this is where i stand
with my heart in my hand….
with my soul on my sleeve
it is now time for me to leave
– all i can do
all i can say
my words  – my feelings
myself
will too soon fade away
this is the last thing i will ever write about you.
-kyoko cole 2008
the ghost of my friends
This is not a prison.
This is a trap.
I am the bait.
___________________________________________________________
Having balls is a good thing
having raw passion is a good thing and a rare thing.
To have both passion AND balls is what makes someone great.
I miss the great ones
I miss the lovers
and the dreamers/creators
I miss the artists
I miss the tortured souls- the poets…the journeymen …
and I mean the real ones
the real risk takers
the real love makers
the ones that do what they were born to do
unafraid of being who they really are
the ones that live for what they love
and the ones that love to love.
it has nothing to do with image
and everything to do with heart and soul
and pure being
I miss the truth in them
I miss their passion
I miss having them around
I miss them knocking at my bedroom window at 3am
driven by desire
driven by love
and…That feeling –
that wonderful feeling of hope and wonder
and the excitement in life and love
I miss the fire
-kyoko cole  2008
in between the moon and you
we retreat now
you and i
are –
hidden.
for awhile
people in
shadows
we lay low
in the dark
can’t talk
to you
can’t talk to me
as it goes back
nowÂ
like we are
like we were
like we sometimes
always seem to do
when time trips
and slips
and fades to
and through
in front of
and
sometimes always behind
me and you
we are like the moon
in retrograde.
-kyoko cole 2013
you are my sunshine my only sunshine – merry christmas
when you sang that song for me
20 + years ago now
i was laying next to you in bed
and i remember crying because i knew how special i was
for you to show me that affection and say i love you
when you grew up without it
and you were brought up to not show it
in our culture and our family it’s not something you do
but for me you did
and i cried at that moment knowing that someday it
and you and everything that means the most to me
would be gone
i was 11 and i knew it then
now i”m 33 and i still know it but now i have to face it and
i don’t want to say goodbye
memories of what was
and what will never be again
– in the many things that i’ve known and loved
i miss
and will forever miss
i wish i could go back
and live it all over again
even the bad cause those moments with you mean the most
my childhood was blessed with a grandmother who loved me
and did everything she could for me
and it hurts to look back at what you had
and see that you did not know what you had
while you had it –
and know that you will never have that again
– it doesn’t take away from the great things to come
i just miss those times
that as a child you think will always stay the same
and you never think about how drastically things change and disappear and die
and are lost with the years that creep by you ever so quickly
and i will forever miss it
and i will forever miss and love her
she always loved me and was there for me
when no one else was
-here is no home base now
there is no safe place
to fall back if needed
there is no one there now to take care of me
cause sometimes i need a little bit being taken care of
even still as an adult
we all need to know that someone cares and loves us no matter what
i love you grandma
you are my sunshine
Fuck off
If you aren’t true
If you don’t like what I do
If you feel the need to bark
At me –
some dumb little remark
Some passive yet aggressive way
to convey
What you won’t come out and say
And you wonder why I hide away
From all the people like you
Who do things like you do
Throw things my way
Chuck some fear and anger at me
Then try to be oh so sweet
But all it does it beat beat beat
Me down and beat me down some more
Until I’m less
Impressed
By your love hate mess
Some peoples love is abusive
Cause real love isn’t obtrusive
Is it hard for a man
To understand
Another persons state of mind
Or the other persons state of heart
I’m having a hard time As it is
Without you tearing me apart
Have a moment of doubt?
Sit with it like we all do
And ride the wave
No reaction can sometimes save
A person from himself
And a person from losing out
Just give love if you have it
And more love if you seek it
And more love when there’s no reason Not to
(Other than the fear and doubt inside yourself )
Allow love to show
And it will allow love to grow
Black Velvet Sugar
BLACK VELVET SUGAR
The soft moss swimming;
It is the dying spirit.
Desiring, I hide.
Pink shore, serene breeze.
The flat, upright sparkle shines.
Lost moon, velvet spirit.
Walk, swim. Drown
With blunt leaves
Wither, decline. With sharp flames
Write, fade: fluttering.
Purple, tender, falling,
Your eyes sits in wait
A mermaid arises,
Declining, shining.
shines on
Forever
And Forever Shines on
-Kyoko Cole
The unrequited love ( between two worlds)
Nothing is more dangerous than desire when it’s wrong
Play dead
To save myself
From you
Handsome devil, you
You
Who
killed me first
Inside
my head and heart
And My love
You tortured
Fucked with enough to ruin
But kept just enough alive to still keep
To have around for
whenever you damn well please
When you want or when you need me
But Only For helping you
And Never for the love of me
And when you don’t want or need me
You push me out
And down
And away
….
…Just enough…
But really not much of anything
anything that’s really real
And you are really not much of that
Or much to love now
I think I’ve reached that point
Where Giving up and going on
Are both the same dead-end to me
Play dead
For only you
And your Dead love
Will end
I hurt so completely, all I could do was laugh
-kyoko cole 2014
skin loves fever 
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