change – Page 4 – skin loves fever

You gotta kill yourself before you kill everybody else

I want you to LOVE me as my broken self

Just like you want others to do for you

But it ain’t easy

And it ain’t gonna ever happen

With someone who just gives up

I need strength when I ain’t strong

I am strength when others are weak

But right now

I seek

To change

To find

Gotta break the bond

And not my heart

I wish there was some way to go back to the start

But I know

Better

And you wanted me to go

Goodbye song

Loves shadow hangs low

Loves broken me in two

Million pieces

And at moments

I feel like I can’t go on
But it’s alright

I’ll be alright

Even if I’m all wrong

I’ll sing my song

And mourn the loss of you
No closed doors

All were left wide open

And the empty hallways

Left my empty too

And at this moment I feel like I can’t go on
But it’s alright

I’ll be alright

Even if I’m all wrong

I’ll sing this song

For it’s my way to say goodbye to you

-kyoko Cole 2017

A fight I can’t win

I used to try

But now I see

That it ain’t me

That’s the problem

And you can believe

Whatever you make up in your head

But I see

What’s actually reality

And you just don’t.

Everything you do is like toxic glue

It’s easy to stick to you

I thought you loved me too

But now I see that you don’t love me at all

Emotional abuser

Manipulator user

Narcissistic paranoid accuser

A liar

A blamer

A child

A shamer

Just a loser

Who’s gonna lose in the end

Cause you can’t grow

If you think you know

It all

But clearly you know nothing

But a bunch of bullshit

You’ve Brainwashed yourself to believe

Where is your heart?

You have no heart

No love

No care

You’re a little angry man

Unaware

Of what really matters

Unable to ever change

Fly by Night

You’re acting shady

Always got something better to do

And better ain’t that at all

If you fall

I won’t answer your call

Next time around

Cause you’re even more

Of what you were trying to get away from

You’re known for being that guy

Why?

Something’s up

You’re in the shade

And I’m starting to feel a bit played

Whatever it is

You always get caught up

In the Bullshit

In the next thing

Your next fling

And everything else falls down

You pick and choose what kind of person is you

And what you do

Do it without me then

Amateurs (don’t take things or this so seriously)

thirteen ways to kill your lover
a hundred and one ways to die

Thirteen ways

To kill your lover

A hundred and one ways to die

It pays

To be

Cemented in your ways

Or does is pay to be

Wild in the streets

Like a wild card

Jump up jump around
New York girls

Are too hip

As they hop

To the top

of the Empire state building

Which I don’t care to ever climb

A Hot house
As Cold

As your unbearable heart

Finish what you start, you say

As everything slowly starts to shift

Deterioration, they said

Right before it was dead

It was everything that ever was

That is not a thing any more

That couple over there

Kindly lent their owner

To the dogs

Frequencies are
Less frequently

Felt in the air

The less we care

The more we

Dread

The dead

That’s a coming

Round the bend

So buckle up partner

It’s coming to the end

The perfect partner

Of An imperfect pair

Doesn’t dare

Taunt

The electronic wizard

The human lizard

But will haunt

The Spirit hunter

And the Catholic priest

Who will soon sit down

For the mighty feast

And break some bread

And both get fed

The last supper

Is a coming soon

Blasted allegories
Blast past noon

You are Not there

In the making

the making that never was

Was never there within you

Take me to the river

Drown me in the water

Let it cover me up

And Let my body sink low

The more you say

The less you know

Misleading

Misreadings

Draw on you now

Like the raise of an arm

And the hand that signals the alarm

To wake up

Wake up

WAKE THE FUCK UP

Before it’s too late

wait it already is …

-kyoko cole 2017

Skin

Static between my ears

Poker face

To make you chase

something else. that isn’t there

I do what I do

To throw you off

To throw you in

The opposite direction

To minimize detection

To eliminate inspection

there’s no other way
and no other day
to say
goodbye
all the things
i would, would not
and could never say
but now i need to go away
i really did try
day after day
just to get by
some things are for letting go
some things we must learn to let die

Cut #5423

Whatever is right or wrong
There is no right or wrong of that
Way back when
You can’t rehash over shit that is so far gone in days
And so far drunk is haze
That memory does nothing
To separate the days
And fact becomes fiction.
fiction becomes fable
And You and i
are not very able
To bring any good out of that
Which is not
That important
when it comes down to the grind
When we fight about past shit
I start to fucking lose my mind
And it brings me back to a time
I can’t comprehend
And all I want is for this to end
Please end
The only way to get over something is to get yourself through
The thing that most of us forever avoid
And after cut #5423
And maybe a half
I can only just sit back
Look at at what I’ve done to myself (again) and laugh
Not funny ha ha
Not funny hee hee
But not ever quite sane
Stuck in a loop
Of wax and wane
Over and over and over again

How many scars do I have to gain?
To see how much of myself I’ve lost.
At such a cost
All because of me
All because of we and me.

The bathroom Is no longer my safe place
Anymore
I guess it never really was before
Just cause I could lock the door
Doesn’t mean u could get out
Not something safe.
And neither are any of you

a.d.w.a.y – (something i wrote exactly 4 years ago tonight)

a.d. w. a. y. ?

August 4, 2011 at 4:24am

you would write a thing or two and

toss it a million ways around

the net-

-work

it’s way aross the many screens

i didn’t think twice

when it would

sometimes hit me

sometimes miss me.

but now i find myself missing you

you were lonely then

like me now

searching for something

that only exists with some people

and even some people have exhausted it

but you were sensitive like me

i could feel that between the static

i could feel that between the lies

the lies of life

we see

and run into

and

all i can think about right now

is the empty

and the space

the negative

the silent

on the memory of something

notifiations never-

tag my name now

no notes

no news

not

nothing

new

comes now

from you

you’re nowhere to be seen

please

come

back

my friend

you don’t know how much you mean

…

to me 🙂

poisoned brain

don’t want to try
to do anything different
than what hasn’t worked
a whole life time
but it’s never you

or it always you
but that’s just what you’ve expect for yourself
even though you are more than that
sometimes

but sometimes isn’t enough i guess

when you don’t see it

and when you don’t care

how can anyone else?

It’s not my time or maybe it’s exactly that

I might have let it get to me
What I feel
What I see
What is what
What is not
I don’t know
What is real
i don’t know
much of what is
other than
what i feel
And what’s really to be
What you
do
and
do not
show
And what all is
left over
Rinsed out
the residue
Really has got a hold of me
For the time being
for now
but
Not forever
The hazy
Dazy
Lazy
crazy
Glue
of me
But nothing
ever sticks to you
All that is
or isn’t
ever true
with you
You can quickly cut
You can easily undo
as i struggle to make my way through
…
it all..
From a reaction
without any
satisfaction

What it is
what isn’t
and what it never was
and what it will never be
as anger grows
and confusion shows
only breeds
more negativity
and nothing more
out of nothing less
with less and less humility
Tear down everything
Instead of build up
now lost
as
we lose
No trying
to understand
No one
to hold my hand
lack of care
Lack of love
i ask for a miracle
or something more
from up above