He was careless with me, and it broke something—but it brought me here. I won’t apologize for the truth. Truth doesn’t hurt. Being treated like nothing does.
His carelessness showed me who he really was, and whatever I felt disappeared. What stayed was the embarrassment of ever wanting him. I mistook his treatment for a reflection of my worth. It wasn’t. It was his. I don’t want someone who treats people that way.
I don’t want him.
But…
If not for him, the night would not have opened to you.
sex positivity is a good thing but not with everyone women used to get shamed for just trying something different with her own husband- while he could go and find many mistresses or concubines- and it was perfectly fine. think of your own daughter- how would you feel if a boy treated her the way you treat women? I guess your excuses would be fine… right? NO.
I want to write more… but I am healing. and I don’t need any other person’s outside validation to tell me who I am or how great I am or how worthy I am. they don’t even know how worth they are. and they don’t live in a way that I feel would bring any good to my life. I would just join the dark side. hedonistic- only self-serving, selfish
no wonder this world is the way it is- well not all of the world-
you can follow the masses and not think for yourself or you can see how the thinking has been controlled by a small group of people that control everything we see, think, and do – and have been for so long that we don’t even realize how little we think for ourselves. we are programmed.
my body, my spirit, my soul, my heart, my brain, my organs. my nervous system as well as all the other systems, my light, my love, etc… as well as all the other things you can’t with your eyes and can’t touch with your hands- but most pe0ple know is there… is important to keep sacred and take care of.
when you know yourself beyond this world and this life… and step away from the manipulation that c0mes from the people in power who and in control- who want to keep us down – because if we knew our own power – if we knew what we were capable of – we would evolve and we wouldn’t continue to live within the confines that others have built for us that limit us- that we think we need – in order to survive.
protect yourself. know thyself. don’t let anyone treat you like you’re just a body, a slave, just one of the many, expendable. disposable. used.
how would you feel if your daughter was treated that way?
I am worthy of love and commitment. I’m sorry you fell in love with someone who did not value you in that way… but you doing that to others instead of taking the time to heal- is not okay.
people will hurt you but do you want to continue that just because your life didn’t turn out the way you thought it would.
that doesn’t mean you can’t trust others and/or you have to make them feel like they can’t trust you.
grow from it. heal from it. but that takes time. sometimes years. but you haven’t even given it a few months. and all you do is pass that on and take it out on someone else and close your eyes and turn your back to the hurt you cause. .. because you are hurt and don’t want to deal with you first.
I will not spend anymore time giving my energy to someone who chooses to behave in a way that is only self-serving. if someone is mean to you- when they weren’t before- maybe the problem is you. especially when you know that everyone I wrote above it true.
I’m not perfect- but I want to be with someone who is okay with that and is okay with connecting on a level that you will never know –
I say goodbye
and I walk away.
you have shown me that you do not understand the damage you cause-
you do not care to because it hurts like hell
and you’ve been hurt
but that does not mean it’s okay to do it to someone else
you’re not dumb…stop playing dumb.
because it’s not about me
it’s about not losing yourself…
which happens when we avoid what is really causing our pain and we don’t give ourselves the time alone to process and heal.
I had a letter…
but it’s too late now.
I didn’t give away to others- what I gave to you
Don’t want to scream and shout but I can’t seem to figure it out I feel like half a person a big hole in soul a big hole in my heart when I reach out to you you just tear me more apart
and I wish I was better maybe better off dead I let myself go through it be in it just to get you out of my head.
it’s so easy for you to be mean hide behind your smoke screen if you ever loved me if you ever cared I can’t tell I’m not well you love seeing me down you love putting me through hell
and I wish I was happy maybe I’d be better off dead I have to get through this be in this just to shed you from my head
I know things will get easier time heals or so they say but right now I’m all kinds of broken -just waiting out the days
Above is a great journal to help you get through a breakup. Sometimes keeping a record of how you feel and what you’re going through day by day can help you better understand yourself and be more self-aware. It also can help you be aware of unhealthy patterns and habits.
there’s no other way
and no other day
to say
goodbye
all the things
i would, would not
and could never say
but now i need to go away
i really did try
day after day
just to get by
some things are for letting go
some things we must learn to let die
I will not
have you
Act like you did nothing
But be clear
About something
That was never clear
I will not
Have you
Matter to me
More than I matter to you
I will look at this
And see it for what it is
And look at you and see you for how you are
And i will remember this
And not ever be confused in thinking that your actions before were what they OBVIOUSLY are not now
Maybe someday you might see things from my side
But I don’t need to be close
To something that is so far away
To someone who closes me off
I don’t need to be anything or anyone
That means nothing
To you
skin loves fever 
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